A Suitcase and a Job.

It's been a crazy month...my apologies for neglecting Carpe amorem.

I watched a few of my best friends graduate from TTU and bid farewell to my wonderful community in Cookeville as it was.

I resigned as a tutor for Migrant Education in Tennessee, a bittersweet feeling. It was heartbreaking to say good-bye to those kids. I'll never forget how excited they were to see me every week and how sad they were when I told them I wouldn't be coming back.

I received a phone call for a second interview at a neat little coffee shop called Rembrandt's in the Bluffview Art District in Chattanooga and was asked to come for orientation the next day. I started working the day after that...with only one suitcase of clothing. So, I moved to Chattanooga with one suitcase and a job.

Four days later, I headed to Edisto Beach, S.C. for family vacation. A peaceful little beach town catered to families and those in search of a few days of experiencing life a little slower than usual, it was definitely soothing to my soul and a much needed reprieve from the hectic life I've been leading.

We also went to Charleston, S.C. for a couple of days to do some sightseeing. Such a beautiful coastal city!

I love the plantation homes and history that the South has to offer, and I love being Southern.

:-)

It's been craziness. I don't think I've ever been pulled in so many directions with so many things to think about and so many details needing my attention. I think the craziest part, though, is that I'm okay with it. For those of you who know me best, you know that I'm prone to brief, freak-out moments whenever change starts coming...well, things are changing, and I'm not freaking.

I feel strangely at peace with everything going down in my life right now.

I'm officially living in Chattanooga.

I have a job, and my suitcase is unpacked...plus a few more.

Life is good.

Love and peace,

Amelia

P.S. I love Snow Cones. The ice cream truck traveling around Edisto Beach sold these. :-)

Empty Bookshelves.

As I sit in the room I've been living in for almost two years and look at the near empty bookshelves, the inevitable winds of change seem to be ever blowing. It's the end of an era, and I'm surprised to say that it's bittersweet. For a year and a half, I've done nothing but complain about how I wanted to leave Cookeville and start my life. It's funny how things are put into perspective when the thing you wanted most is actually happening.

That's right...I'm moving. Not too far, but far enough that Cookeville and Tennessee Tech will no longer be right outside my front door. No more late night trips to IHOP or Big O's Donuts. No more chimes from the bell tower at Derryberry Hall. I won't be within walking distance of all my best friends, and the amazing community I've become a part of over the past 5 years will no longer exist as I know it.

You'd think that as many times as I've moved, and as much change I've dealt with in life, I would be used to this by now. But...as I say goodbye to friends (old and new), drive all the backroads just because I know where they are, and hit every pothole on Dixie Avenue, I'm beginning to realize how much I'm going to miss this place. I never thought I would say that. Cookeville, you've been good to me. I know I hate on you a lot, but it's been a pretty awesome 5 years.

I know I can't stay, and I don't want to. It's time to be moving on; time to start the long-awaited next chapter in my life. I'm excited, scared, relieved, optimistic, and slightly melancholy.

Here's a picture of my new home:

Chattanooga, Tennessee

Isn't she pretty? I'm not sure exactly what I'll be doing there, yet, or for how long I'll be there, but I'm moving in with a great gal, and I'm so eager to see what's going to happen next!

God is good. Sometimes, I have absolutely no clue what He's doing, but He always knows, so I'm just going to worry as little as possible, and dig in to life.

When the bookshelves are empty, they're just waiting for new books to fill them...I've got my pen, and I'm ready to start writing.

Love and peace,

Amelia

P.S. I sang karaoke for the first time in years while visiting my new roomie in Chatty...man, it felt good to sing in front of people again! :-)

Analytically Sound

I spend the majority of my days locked in an intense mind battle.

I never win. I never lose. I just fight.

I've always thought that the answer to a problem was just one good thought process away, but the older I get, the more I realize that there's a distinct possibility that sometimes there isn't an answer. There are very few certainties, and gray areas tend to exist much more frequently than the black and the white.

I've come to recognize lately that I live my life in fear. My faith tells me that fear doesn't come from God. Therefore, fear is not what He desires for us.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

2 Timothy 1:7

I can analyze my life until I'm blue in the face, but the truth that I'm slowly coming to is that the longer I analyze, the more fearful I become. The more possibilities and answers I come up with only illustrate more ways I can screw up...and it freaks me out.

I think I'll stop thinking.

In other news, tomorrow I'm going to get set up to be a substitute teacher. I'm excited to have to opportunity to save some money and get out of the house more often! Life is going well...we celebrated my little bro's 22nd birthday yesterday (I can't believe he's 22), and April showers are in full pour, which means May flowers are just around the corner! I love good weather!

Hope all is well with everyone!

Love and peace,

Amelia

P.S. Check out Soul Pancake. Though I don't agree with all its religious views, and I'm trying to analyze less, I think this website is worth checking out. It's important to know what we believe, how we think, and who we are. Asking hard questions sucks sometimes, but the results are worth it. :-) Plus, the founder of the website and main author of the book is Rainn Wilson from The Office...I love that show!

I don't know.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.

"Which road do I take?" she asked.

"Where do you want to go?" was his response.

"I don't know," Alice answered.

"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

~Lewis Carroll

I don't know. These seem to be the only three words in my vocabulary recently.

"Where do you want to live, Amelia?"

I don't know.

"What do you want to do, Amelia?"

I don't know.

"How are you going to make money?"

I don't know.

Maybe it matters, maybe it doesn't.

I'm weary. I'm tired of trying to figure everything out, and my brain hurts from analyzing every single detail of my life. Sometimes I think I've made a breakthrough and cracked the life code, and then something comes along to scramble all the numbers again, and I'm back to square one.

Can I just go sit in the sandbox...

Or play with Play-Doh, please?

I'm sure everything's going to work out just fine...

In other news, here's a pic of another one of my cooking fails. These were supposed to be the best brownies ever, but something happened in the baking process to suggest otherwise. Despite their appearance, they did, however, taste very delicious. They just didn't look very pretty. :-)

"What happened to the brownies, Amelia?"

I don't know.

Love and peace,

Amelia

P.S. If you're looking for a great book to read, check out The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins. Yes...they're written for young adults, but I'm in the third book, and I just can't put them down. :-)